


These ones can’t be covered

by StarLrd_For3verXx



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Cartoon), Guardians of the Galaxy (Comics), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers 4 speculation, F/M, Heavy Angst, I Made Myself Cry, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-07-12 20:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16002971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarLrd_For3verXx/pseuds/StarLrd_For3verXx
Summary: It’s all done. It’s over.But she still feels afraid.Afraid of how Peter will react if he found out what else Thanos did to her when she was taken. Afraid to see his face when he sees not only the emotional marks it made on her, but the physical ones as well.Those ones she can’t cover up.





	1. Helplessness

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to everyone that reads this!  
> Had so much fun writing my last fic so I’ve chosen to write another starmora fic where Gamora is vulnerable cause I’m a sucker for them. I promise I’ll write something different eventually. Please enjoy!

Peter knows that something is off.

What he doesn’t know is why he feels like this. There was nothing that could go wrong today, today was perfect. All of the guardians are safe and back on the Benatar which was recently recovered from Knowhere, and all of them are having the time of their lives.

Well, all but one. And Peter needs to know who. Come on, they were ruining his positive vibe he had going on. He knew that something was up. He sat on his usual pilot seat gazing out towards the trillions of gorgeous stars, contemplating this. Why did he just _know_ that something was wrong? It’s not like he had a sixth sense or anything. It was just the atmosphere in the ship.

Cold, isolating, _frightening_.

”Strange...” he thought to himself as he continued to observe the galaxy that was before him. He tried not to think about it any more, but it almost drove him insane  at how paranoid he was being. All because of an atmosphere. A stupid, ridiculous atmosphere. He reminded himself that, knowing him, it was probably all in his head anyway. He thought this right until Mantis came stumbling through the door to the cockpit.

_And she did not look good._

She looked around rather frantically, as if she was looking for iminant danger that would befall them any second, until she met Peter’s concerned gaze. It was just those two. Her antennae were lit up with their usual shimmering white glow, like they did when she was sensing someone’s emotions, but something was different. The light was pulsing rapidly with what Peter could only assume was urgency. Mantis stared at him whilst she clutched onto her stomach, like she had taken a punch to the gut. And she had the most horrified look on her face. Peter was right. Something is wrong. _Very_ _wrong_. Of course Peter wanted to know what was going on, he didn’t want any of his family to be hurt or upset. But he just couldn’t bring any words to his lips, and it seemed that Mantis had the same problem, her mouth quivering as if to speak a word, any word, but hearing nothing. Even so, she was the one to speak first.

” P-P-Peter... I need help-p.” Mantis spoke these words in a whisper, but like her anntenae, there was a sense of emergency in it. She sounded like she was gasping for air as silent but heavy tears streamed down her face. He immediately came to her aid, jumping up from his seat and rushing over to her in under a second, and then he mimicked her whisper as he said “What is it? Do you sense danger, like what’s going on?”

Mantis was about to answer when her antennae flashed again like a new set of batteries being put into a torch you didn’t even know was getting dull. Peter caught her by the elbows and hoisted her back up as she almost fell to the ground, her fingernails now _digging_ into her abdomen in what seemed like pain. But he knew better. Either the feelings that she was picking up from someone else were unusually strong and clear, or it was someone else who was in pain. Given how she was acting now, it was most likely the latter. She then confirmed his suspicions.

”I feel the pain of someone on this ship. I do not feel pain directly, my powers will not allow this, just how uncomfortable it is. But someone, I don’t know who, is in terrible physical pain.” The silence after these words was pure shock and fear coming from both Peter and Mantis, and only then was it broken by an empty sob coming from the empath herself. Peter was quick to comfort her, giving her a quick yet tight hug which he knew was enough. Right now, he needed to find out who was feeling pain, and stop it. Firstly, he thought about who would still be awake. If Rocket was, there would no doubt be some sort of clanging sound coming from his bunk, and the same went for the other two males, as some annoying sound always seemed to be emerging from them both. But Peter could not hear Groot’s video game, and he _could_  hear Drax snoring. Those three were out. This only left one more option. As if on cue, he could hear a faint but strangled cry coming from the bunk of the best woman in the galaxy. This snapped Peter’s head into gear.

”Gamora.” Peter murmered, heartbroken, as he soon took off once again, but to the source of the sound this time. It had to stop. He got to her door in one second flat, not because they had a small ship (which they did) but because Peter was so eager to just run up to Gamora and hold her and stop whatever is hurting her. But that doesn’t mean that it’s what Gamora wants.

As soon as Peter was at his destination, he was ready to punch a hole in the door from knocking too hard. Just before his calloused knuckles came into contact with the metal frame, he heard another cry, but this time it was a strong whimper. _This wasn’t right_. Gamora isn’t meant to be like this. She’s meant to be strong and impenetrable as she stands by his side, protecting the galaxy. It is safe to say that the sounds definitely killed him. It was like each little plea for help that escaped her mouth chipped a little piece of his heart away, only to heal when hers did. Peter noticed that the door was open, and that he could see through the tiny crack of her door. He really just wanted to barge in and deal with it, but he had a feeling that he would end up with a knife to his throat, so that option was out. He couldn’t help but look with utter despair as the sight came upon his eyes when he looked.

Peter knew that Gamora had lost some weight in the last few weeks. This was mostly because of her PTSD, which caused nightmares, which then caused insomnia, and a loss of appetite. But he didn’t know that she was a walking skeleton. Each rib was distinct and clearly visible as it protruded from her skin. The ends of her collarbones made her shoulders look like squares. She was facing towards the wall in front of her bed, so Peter could only see her from the side, and he couldn’t see her back. Her hair was in a loose side braid. So loose in fact that half of her hair had fallen out of it, so it looked like one of two braids fell out. Despite being up, her hair was greasy enough that it formed its own locks as it fell on her shoulders. She wore some small stretchy black shorts and a black sports bra, but Peter couldn’t focus on this because he was almost brought to tears by the state of her. Then there was something that he didn’t understand.

Why had Mantis said that Gamora was in pain? He could understand if she was in emotional pain and given her condition, anyone would be. But Mantis was pretty specific that it was actual, physical pain. He didn’t get it. Not until she stood up from the foot of the bed. When she made any sudden movement, she winced and had to start the standing up process over again. Peter wanted nothing more than to make his presence known, but his feet were glued to the ground and his lips were glued to each other. All he could do was watch in shock. He didn’t know that it was this bad. Once Gamora stood, she slowly reached her left hand to the small of her back, which Peter still couldn’t see, with great hesitation, as of she was afraid of finding something there. As soon as her fingertips slightly brushed her back, yet another cry escaped from her mouth and tears started to cascade down her face like a waterfall. She brought her hand back to in front of her when she registered the pain, and Peter was shocked to his core.

Her fingers were soaked in dark red blood.

 

 


	2. Standstill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t know what to do.  
> Absolutely no idea what the hell to do.  
> He thought that Gamora would eventually come to him about it, given how serious it seemed. But she never did. Actually, she didn’t really talk to anybody anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for 141 hits on my first chapter alone!! Can’t wait for you guys to read more. Please enjoy!! Xx

Minutes must have passed whilst Peter still stood at the door, staring at Gamora. He knows that it was minutes because by the time he had come out of his strange trance of horror and confusion caused by what he just saw, Gamora had no more blood on her fingers, and she was now wearing a baggy black jumper. It was as if she was trying to cover up as much of herself as possible. He had never seen her arms as her small sports bra had long, sheer sleeves, but now she was engulfing them in fabric. She was now just sitting on the floor cross-legged like a child, looking out into space. Peter was surprised that she hadn’t seen him yet, but he figured that it made sense because she now had his back to him, and she was probably in a trance of her own. Worse than Peter’s though. One that contained such horrors that Peter could only grasp at the thought of them. He didn’t like that thought at all.

He turned around and started walking to his own bunk slowly. He wanted to confront her right then and there, but he couldn’t think of the words that he would use. How do you talk about something like that? Peter thought that it would only be fair to let Gamora come to him. Even though it didn’t seem like the best choice, and the thought of that much pain of her face made Peter sick, he couldn’t think of anything else to do. He would wait, and he would hope that it wasn’t anything serious.

As he walks through the ship to his bunk at the end of the hall, he passes by Mantis. Her bunk door was still open only slightly, and she was asleep on top of her covers and with her clothes still on. She had a look of discomfort on her face as she twitched in her sleep, in time with the flickers of her antennae. Peter then had this surge of sympathy for her. He couldn’t possibly imagine what it’s like to feel not only his own pain, but everyone else’s as well. He tried his best to shut her door silently. He wants her to at least find some peace tonight. There are some intense feelings to come.

Like Mantis, Peter just lies on his covers in his clothes to go to sleep. He couldn’t think about doing such menial tasks like dressing himself when he knows all too well that the woman he loves most in the world is going through something horrible all on her own. Granted, he didn’t know what was wrong with her, but Mantis had never acted like that before, and the face that Gamora made when she was in pain was an image that Peter would never forget. He knows it’s bad. He tries to clear his mind and closes his eyes in an attempt to get some sleep, though he figured he was not likely to get much with what was going through his head. He eventually slips into a half asleep, coma-like state and stays there. It’s the closest to sleep that he will get. It was going to be a long wait indeed.

In the morning, he had felt like he had been punched in the heart. Gamora walked into the cockpit with an emotionless look on her face, staring at nothing. It was the same face that she made when she had asked Peter to kill her to evade Thanos. But this time, although he still had no idea why, the face was worse. Like she was dead inside. Ever so slowly, she took her place on her co-pilot seat beside Peter. He didn’t have to guess as to why her movements were so weary. As she sat down, the smallest wince appeared on her face, and a tiny gasp escaped from her lips. Peter’s eyes widened with both concern and fake surprise as he looked at her more intently as if to say “It’s okay. We are alone.” She must have caught his gaze at her from the corner of her eye, because she then made her eyes meet Peter’s with more effort than it usually took. She looked _afraid_. 

He knew for sure that she hadn’t seen him last night, so why was she looking at him like she knows that her secret has been spilled in front of her for Peter to see? It didn’t make any sense, and before he even attempted to figure it out, Gamora was looking out into space once more.

For a slight moment, Peter had forgotten why he had chosen not to confront her about whatever was going on. He had no idea how he was able to stand by and let her suffer like this. But he then remembered once again that it’s not nearly as easy for Gamora as it is for Peter to share secrets and vulnerabilities. He couldn’t believe that he was actually going through with this.

Because it was technically morning on the ship’s time, no one else was awake yet. The only reason that Gamora and Peter were awake was because neither of them went to sleep in the first place. Mantis mustn’t have gotten much sleep either, Peter imagined, and he was right. A few seconds later, Mantis came strolling in with a grin on her face, and nodded to both pilots. As soon as Gamora looked away from her, the grin disappeared and she was left with a look of concern. A few moments were silent after that.

No words were exchanged for a few minutes and Peter soon noticed that the scary, cold atmosphere was back. He looked at Gamora straight away.

She was trying to shift in her seat to get more comfortable, and when she finally did, a gasp was let out in the room, but not by her. Mantis’s antennae were glowing once again with a sharp light, and she made the face that she had made last night when Gamora was in pain, as she placed two of her fingers gingerly onto her temple. Peter couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Almost immediately after, Gamora let out her minuscule gasp and the wince of pain that Peter hated was back on her face. So it was definitely Gamora that Mantis was sensing last night. He finally decided that enough was enough. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

As if she had read both the atmosphere and Peter’s mind, Gamora got up from her seat quite quickly with a look of shock spread across not only her face, but her entire body. Every part of her seemed to be shaking slightly, and given how carefully she has been moving, the fast actions must be putting her in agony. She must have really wanted to get out of the situation. And it was a very serious situation. She saw Peter’s look of realisation. She knows that he is suspicious. She knows that he was about to ask her about it. And she doesn’t want that. It’ll break him apart.

Peter was soon to catch up to Gamora just before she had escaped the room, and he stood in the hallway to prevent her from going anywhere. Because until he had an explanation, she wasn’t going anywhere. Peter then decided that this was his time to talk, even if he didn’t get a reply. He tried to be as gentle as possible as he spoke in a soft voice.

”Mora... What is happening to you? I saw you in your room last night and you had blood on your fingers and you cover yourself up and you’re in _pain_. I can tell that you are in pain. So please...tell me what’s wrong.” 

Something didn’t seem right about the way that Gamora was standing. Instead of her usual confident, leader-like stance, she was hunched in on herself, making herself look as small and vulnerable as possible. This wasn’t her. This was a different woman. Although now, she resembled a helpless girl. She made an effort to keep her eyes off of Peter’s face as she talked. She calmly replied, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. But I’m sorry I concerned you.” Her voice was croaky and dry, like she hadn’t spoken in days. As a matter of fact, she actually hadn’t. She stepped slightly to the side in the hope of getting past Peter, but that wasn’t happening. He begun to get more serious.

”No. It’s not nothing, even I’m not stupid enough to believe that. I can tell when you have pain on your face and it’s been there for days. Just, for the love of god, tell me. Now.”

”Actually, it _is_ nothing, so if you’ll excuse me,” Gamora remained calm as she made another attempt to get past Peter. Without thought, he tried to stop Gamora from moving to the side by slightly pushing her back with a hand on her shoulder. To his surprise, she didn’t wince at all. However, when he picked up her right forearm with the lightest of touches, she almost cried out in pain. He let her arm go straight away, and Gamora kept it where he had dropped it. Between the two of them, in the air.

”See, Gamora? That didn’t sound like nothing. What are you so afraid of?”

As he said those words, he did something that he immediately regretted. He took her arm again and pulled the baggy sleeve that covered it up to her elbow.

He didn’t have any words.

Scars, _everywhere_. Some were red and thin, others black and large, as if the arm had been placed in a fire. As he stared at her arm, he noticed that there were more scars visible than her actual skin itself.

He was at a standstill. Nothing but shock and heartbreak were on his face. He looked like he had just found out that he was going to die tomorrow. He couldn’t put his thought process into speech. His lips quivered as if to make a sound, but only silence filled the air. If he wasn’t paying attention, he wouldn’t have seen Gamora pull her sleeve quickly back down and escape to her bunk. She managed to get past him in the hallway because he wasn’t even in the hallway anymore. He somehow found himself on his knees, four feet away from where he thought he was. Too much was going on in his brain.

This was a true standstill.


	3. Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up to find a letter from the one who has been lying to him all this time. An explanation. He would have been mad, called her a coward. But he knows why she wrote the letter.
> 
> Now that he came to think of it, it was the bravest thing that she had ever done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been getting lots of positive feedback on this fic and I would like to say thank you again! This chapter is just a bit more setup but there is more angst. Prepare yourself.

He was in his bed, and he didn’t remember getting there. To be honest, Peter can’t recall the last few hours of his life right now. He’s too distracted thinking about what he could have done to at least comfort Gamora. It was definitely the least he could do. Especially after he reacted so poorly.

Actually, he didn’t really react at all. He just knew that he was shocked to his core when he saw her scar ridden arm, and the next thing he knew, he was on his knees in the cockpit, and now he was curled up in the fetal position on his bed with the door closed tightly. Gamora must have been crushed right now, and even with that in mind, Peter couldn’t find the will to move his legs towards her. Because whilst the main emotion that he feels towards her now is love and empathy and understanding, within him resides a small hint of an emotion he thought that he would never feel because of Gamora.

Rage. He was angry. Angry that she had never told him. That she allowed herself to suffer in silence for goodness knows how long. How could she do that when she knew all too well that it would crush him if he ever found out?

There wasn’t much that could be done about it now, though. And he felt so much more than crushed. He felt obliterated. He felt _dead_.

Without thinking and without knowing why, Peter started to roll over on his bed and stretch out his body as far as it could possibly go. It was probably his subconscious telling him to move after what he can only assume was twelve hours. He only thought this because everyone was asleep yet again, and the clock that Peter keeps on Terran time reads 2:26am. Now that he came to think of it, he could pick up the faint memory of a sound coming from his door all day. He then recognised it as knocking. His team checking to see if he was alright. Even if he had the will to stand (bearing in mind that he couldn’t find the will to live) he wouldn’t have answered. The team had better things to do, Peter thought, and the repetitive knocking was the least of his worries.

He thought about all of this as he turned over just that once to catch a grasp on reality. As well as to regain feeling in any of his limbs. When he did so, he heard, and also felt, the slight crunch of a piece of paper that he did not know was there. Peter was sure that he had not touched or seen a sheet of paper in weeks. Someone must have put it there.

To prevent the paper from getting completely destroyed, he slowly sat up and retrieved it whilst not paying attention to the throbbing in his head from lying down for so long. He only did this because the paper was obviously important, otherwise whoever put it there just wouldn’t have in the first place. It was small, about the size of his old Walkman that he sorely missed until this day, and it was in an envelope. It was at that moment that he knew who it was from. He wasn’t ready for this.

He slid his calloused thumb under the paper cautiously because as much as it wasn’t important, papercuts sucked. Unfolded, the letter was the size of a regular sheet, with small and pristine handwriting on both sides. Peter started to read the letter’s contents.

_Peter,_

_I’m sure that you want an explanation of what just happened and I know that this is definitely not the right way to give it, but I have to start somewhere. I hope that you’ll forgive me for this._

_Also, please forgive me for my crooked writing, I’m having trouble seeing the paper clearly. It all started when Thanos took me from Knowhere. Took me from my happy life. Took me from you. I knew that he was prepared to do anything to get the information that I’d had, but I hadn’t any idea that he would go so far. He brought me to the throne room that I used to train in. The room where I was forced to fight, and I was forced to live a miserable childhood. He knew that it would immediately put me on edge._

_But it wasn’t my safety that I was worried about. At that moment, it was the least of my worries. Peter, he had Nebula. He made me watch as he ripped her limb from limb. I just couldn’t bare the screaming._

_All of the screaming._

_At that moment, I knew that I couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t worth it, and I acted without thinking. Who was I to assume that I could defeat Thanos single-handed? But I didn’t have a choice, and he knew that. He knew that I would do anything to save her._

_I didn’t care that I took her place, I’m glad I did. Better me than someone who didn’t deserve it. And my sister at that._

_Right now, I don’t want to tell you what he did to me. I’m sure you won’t want to hear it and if you do, it’s better said in person. But it got so much worse. Thanos led you and Nebula to believe that I had died, but I didn’t. Not technically anyway. Thanos said_ _that I needed to know what it was like to lose everything and everyone I loved, as if I hadn’t already. But, then he accessed Nebula’s memory files remotely. And I saw you. You were on Titan. And I saw things that made me wish for death. I would have taken death over that a million times over._

_He threw me back into my cell, and I had felt like I had gone crazy. Who knows, I probably am. But then, you and the others rescued me. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel after weeks of not knowing which way is up. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my life._

_You probably just skipped all of that so I’ll say it again. Thank you for giving me a life that I never thought that I would find. You saved me from him. From my own mind, from my insanity that was creeping up behind me ready to grab me any second. These marks on my body are painful. But they are more of a reminder of the life that I’m not at all sad to see go. Why should I be when I have so much to be happy about now? I realise that I have been distant, but it was for your own good. Or so I thought._

_I was trying to protect you, but I guess I failed, and for that I am once again sorry._

_Gamora._

Peter didn’t know that he was crying until a single salty tear hit her name on the page. There was so much that he never knew. He couldn’t believe that she actually never died. He never actually lost her. Well, like Gamora said, not technically. At that moment, his heart filled with both the sorrow and joy that also filled hers. Peter finally understood what was happening. And now, he could talk to her about it fully knowing what was going on in her head. 

He was never truly angry at Gamora for lying to him, more angry with himself. He was angry that he didn’t have all of the answers. Now that he did, all of that rage melted away, and he had a sudden urge to just find Gamora and hold her. But he would have to wait for her, of course.

As it turned out, he didn’t wait all that long. Thirty seconds after all of this went on in Peter’s head, there was a soft knock at the door. He knew who was on the other side.

 

 

 


	4. Out in the open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets worse. But at the same time, it gets so much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!!  
> Sorry this chapter took so long, I was waiting for inspiration and I think this is good. Please enjoy x
> 
> P.S. I’ve been saying “jumper” and not “sweater” because I’m British x

The door was open before he’d even realised that he decided to get up and answer it.

For two hours, Peter had sat on his bed, just staring at nothing in particular and processing the fact that he didn’t know Gamora as well as he once thought. Sure, he knew about her past with Thanos and he also knew that it was traumatic and frightening for her to think about. That’s why he never even attempted to bring it up.

He knew it was bad, but he didn’t know that it was _that_ bad.

Peter managed to pull himself together before he opened the door because if he was being honest, he didn’t think that he could cry anymore than he already had. It could have been entirely possible actually, but his tear ducts simply didn’t work at that pace. He’d cried himself dry. Despite the fact that he wasn’t crying, he still looked like a mess. Large, red blotches stained his eyes and cheeks, and he couldn’t stop his lip from quivering. He wanted to cry more, but he couldn’t.

When the door opened, an entirely new wave of catastrophic emotions hit him like taking a bowling ball to the head. Gamora has the exact same look as Peter. Emotionally drained from crying and blotches on the face, except her were a darker green and not red. Even thought she _looked_ drained, her tears will still coming.

She wore her baggy black jumper again, only this time it didn’t look baggy. That was because the bottom of it had been pulled down as much as possible, so the jumper now went down to her mid-thigh. The sleeves were the same. Pulled and pulled to cover as much skin as possible. Her arms were hugging her slender form which looked like an act to keep herself warm. She wore grey leggings that were a little long so she could fit them under her heels to cover her feet. She looked tired. And scared. Why would she be scared?

The time they took to analyse each other’s appearances felt like so long that in the time, many stars could have been born and died. None of them spoke, just looked. It was Gamora who eventually broke the silence and said two little raspy words that were barely above a whisper.

”I’m...sorry.”

Her voice trembled on the last syallable of the sentence and more tears started to flow. At that moment, Peter wanted nothing more than to grab her by the shoulders and pull her in for the tightest embrace that there ever was, but he knew better. If sitting down was a challenge for her, a hug must be agony. He resorted to trying to make any words come together, in the hope that they would convey his feelings, but he couldn’t think of any. A hug was off limits, he knew that. But there were other ways to let her know what he meant. 

At the words, Peter started towards Gamora quite fast but stopped abruptly when they were an inch apart. A brush of the lips was all that was needed. Both of them revelled in the moment of just the two of them, together, and they could have stayed like that forever. But things had to be said.

Peter spoke just a little louder than Gamora did. “‘Mora. Why are you apologising? You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I understand why you kept this from me and I can deal with that,” Peter took Gamora’s face in both of his hands extremely gently and he continued, “but I can’t deal with you suffering like this... Okay. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I saw you in your bunk last night. Those scars are everywhere... and you can’t escape them, and you’re in agony. I just can’t bare that there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

It seemed like Peter’s tear ducts were running again, because after he finished speaking, the smallest bead of a tear started to make its way down his right cheek. It was Gamora who now spoke to him.

”I am glad that you understand why I kept it from you, and by the way, I saw you looking through my door. I was so afraid that you were going to lose it, so I just escaped to my bathroom. Honestly, you were so confused that you didn’t even know that I left.”

”It was just horrible, and I’m completely helpless to do anything! I can do absolutely nothing to help you!” Peter was shouting now, his face wet with tears once more. Gamora attempted to comfort him this time.

He managed to compose himself long enough to get out his next few words. “Okay Gamora, listen to me. I think there may be something you could do for _me_. But... it’s not going to be easy for you or me, so I want you to hear me out. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” He felt absolutely horrible trying to ask a favour of Gamora when this entire situation was not at all about him, but he couldn’t help it. He knew he was being selfish, and he hated himself in that moment for it.

Gamora placed her hand on top of Peter’s and stroked it gently, the hand that was both hesitantly and subconsciously reaching for her. “You know I would do anything for you, Peter. Anything, just name it.”

”You’re... not going to... like it.”

”Hey, I trust you.”

He knew that as soon as he asked his seemingly awful question, that trust would diminish faster than he had crumbled apart today. He just needed to know everything. He started his words out in a mumble and even though he thought that it would grow louder, it didn’t.

”I haven’t seen all of the damage, have I?”

Gamora seemed taken aback by the pre-question, but she responded all the same. Calm and collected, she simply said, “No. I suppose you haven’t.” Before Peter could make himself more uncomfortable, Gamora spoke again.

”I know what you want to ask. It’s okay, I would do the same thing if it was the other way around. I think you do need to see the rest, then.” Even though he felt so pathetic even thinking about it, Peter still nodded his head and smiled sadly, the way a kind parent does when they teach their children about how doing bad things is wrong. In his head, that’s what it looked like, but according to Gamora’s reaction, it looked more guilty. After she stroked his still reaching hand one last time, she returned his sad smile and went to sit on the bed, facing away from him.

She started taking off her jumper slowly and reluctantly. She knew that Peter needed to see the full extent, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t still slightly afraid of the outcome. Before she stopped thinking about it, her jumper was off, and except for the relatively small sports bra straps, her bare back was exposed.

He couldn’t believe his eyes. The arm from yesterday could have been from an entirely different person in terms of how bad the marks actually were. Half of her back was totally black, like she had been charred, and even more red gashes and slits wove through and around her small form. A perfectly vertical line of lumps the size of grapes cascaded down Gamora’s back, her spine. When was the last time that she had eaten something?

At the very bottom of her back was the worst of all. It wasn’t black, but a word had been etched into her skin with some sort of blade.

 _Enslaved_.

Peter’s face was more red than ever as they acted like the hosts of a waterfall. But now, the tears might as well be acid. There’s no other explanation to why they are hurting him so bad, he thought. He then moved as if he was on auto-pilot. Peter was soon directly behind Gamora, also sitting on the bed.

He couldn’t talk in anything but a whisper.

”Oh my god...” if he spoke any quieter, Gamora wouldn’t have heard. She replied after a minute of quiet contemplation. “Yeah, I know. I had no idea an electric whip made skin go black like this.”

”Wait. It was an _electric_ _whip_?”

”...Yes.”

Peter didn’t even attempt to picture that in his head. Gamora lying on a stone floor getting beaten so bad that she was close to death, her screaming...

He wanted this to be done, but there was more to be said. “Um, what are the other marks from?”

After he’d said his question, he thought that he would soon feel her eyes burning into his with a look of disgust. It wasn’t the case. She turned around quite quickly and spoke almost nonchalantly as she pointed to the different parts of her arms and legs. She begins to make a list.

”This was the electric whip, that was acidic needles, and these were brunt force, I guess. I didn’t stay conscious long enough to tell what exactly it was.”

As she spoke, Peter’s eyes were drawn to the deepest gashes in her flesh. The ones that resembled scratches, like someone was trying to rip something out of her. Gamora must have noticed where his eyes were, as she explained them too. Although this time, she looked afraid to say anything.

”Oh,um. Those ones... I did to myself. And these ones too.”

She took her fingers and lightly brushed her own cheek, just below her eye. Now that she had mentioned it, and most of her tears were gone, it was quite noticeable. The same streaks took place on and around her eyes, but they were a lighter green, not red.

For a split second, all he could hear was the ringing inside of his own head. Gamora? Self-harm? No, that’s impossible. Isn’t it?

”W-what? W-why-y-y would you do that?” Peter did nothing to hide the pain and confusion in his voice, and Gamora looked to her lap when she heard it.

”I guess you could say, the memory files that I was shown were being used to manipulate me. They wanted me to hate myself even more so I would lose myself and join their ranks. Become a puppet. It didn’t really work, and it just made me want to claw my veins and eyes out. So, I did. _He_ put me back together. I just...” Her voice started to waver, “I saw you die. I didn’t want to live in a world where you didn’t exist. You, and the guardians, are the only reason that I live to this day.”

He pretended he hadn’t heard anything up until her last few sentences. How could he think about that? Peter took her face between his hands so gently, it was like he was handling a feather. His eyes lingered on the brighter streaks of colour around her eyes, but immediately went to her chocolate brown irises, something that he loved to admire.

”No, we’re not. You’re here because you are strong. You are here because you are worthy of life. You are here because you alone have a great purpose. To protect everyone and everything that you love. And can I say, you’re doing a mighty fine job with that.”

And there it was. Her little side smile that made her look innocent. Like a girl, not a woman. Her eyes didn’t stay dry for long.

”I love you, Peter Jason Quill.”

”I love you too.”

Now they were both smiling like children as they came together for a solid embrace, the pain of the scars momentarily forgotten.


	5. Piece me back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She thought that all of the horror was over two months ago, but now she can sleep with ease. This time, it’s truly over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is the last chapter and I’ve really enjoyed writing this fic! Also my next fic is going to be more focused on Peter as I’ve only written about Gamora.  
> Hint: maybe there’ll be a proposal ;)  
> Thanks for reading x

“Okay, which one is it?”

”Uh, it’s this one right here.”

”Are you sure you want me to do this?”

”Oh my god, relax Peter, it’ll be fine, just do it.”

His hands were shaking slightly as he approached her back with the needle and medical thread. One of Gamora’s larger wounds kept on opening and bleeding when she sat down, and she can’t reach it herself. He continuously tried to tell her he wasn’t qualified to do it, and he was probably going to hurt her more. Despite his arguing, Gamora insisted and assured him that he would be fine. After all, he does want to help her.

It had been three days since Gamora had shown Peter her wounds. They were finally able to function around each other because for the first time in what felt like years, they had no secrets from each other. Everything had carried on as normal, and the couple were finally getting some peace.

The team had a voice message sent to them two days before that was from Thor. He told them that Captain Marvel and Wanda had managed to destroy all of the infinity stones, and that they were officially safe. He wished them all the best and he called Rocket “rabbit” again, which made everyone, apart from Rocket himself, chuckle. It was the first time that Gamora had laughed in months. Because she was safe. She was happy. She was _free_.

Now their was nothing to worry about. Well, for Gamora. Peter was still terrified at the thought of _stitching_ her.

”Are you panicking?” Gamora questioned Peter as he hadn’t spoken in thirty seconds. She was still waiting for him to actually do his job. It sounded amused.

He tried to answer confidently but it came out as anything but, “Ha..um, no! No, I can do this.”

”I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this. I’ve shown you how to do it, haven’t I?” That was true, he knew exactly how to stitch wounds now, Gamora even showed him with a cut on her thigh. It seemed easy enough for her. Peter just thought that if he would ever had to do this, she wouldn’t be on the receiving end of it. If anything, she should be the one panicking, he thought. She hasn’t exactly had the best experience with _some_ needles.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his brain straight away. He didn’t want to bring it back up. They were doing so well and he didn’t want to fix something that wasn’t broke.

 _Just_ _man_ _up,_ he thought.

When he started to stitch the wound, Gamora didn’t even flinch. He actually wasn’t expecting her to. This wasn’t the worst thing in the world considering their week.

No words were exchanged whilst Peter worked on her back. It just seemed like there didn’t have to be. Unlike 72 hours ago, nothing else needed to be said. Until a little thought entered Peter’s mind. He often wondered how Gamora’s life would have turned out if they had never met, and she still had her parents. Would she still be on Zen-Whoberi? Would she have grown curious about what was out there and begun to travel? He thought it would be the latter option. Despite the insanely small chances, they could have still met if they were both in space. Peter liked that thought.

Six minutes and thirty seven seconds later, yes, he counted, he was finally done and Gamora thanked him. Even though it wasn’t an exactly pleasant experience for Peter, at least it gave her some comfort, and that was all he cared about these days. He packed all of the equipment away and they shared a short moment of silence. Peter thought that it didn’t seem like the right time to ask more questions, it actually never felt like the right time. He just got it over with.

”How do you cope with this? How do you cope with your past and what you’ve been through? I would’ve been driven mad by now.” All of this came blurring out of his mouth without even realising it. And it sounded almost angry, like he didn’t think that she was strong enough. Because of this, Gamora’s eyes meet his with a piercing glare. _Crap._

Peter was quick to correct himself, “Wait, I didn’t mean to say it like that, I’m sorry. It’s just, I can’t imagine living through it myself and I wanted to know how you did. How you didn’t crack. Must have been brutal...”

”It was. Brutal. Excruciating. So much so that the memories of it are blurred around the edges, the worst parts,” it was the first time that she had spoken in a while, and that was evident by the slight croak in her voice. Or maybe that was because she was struggling to talk about it, it wasn’t clear. Either way, Peter felt bad about asking in the first place. They now sat opposite each other on the bed, but they were still very close together. So much so that their whole conversation could have been mere whispers and it wouldn’t be a problem. Gamora had her legs crossed in a childlike position, and although he would never tell her out loud, he thought that it was mind-numbingly adorable. 

Gamora never continued to speak, so Peter thought that he would dig himself into an even bigger hole. What was the harm in that?

”If you...had the choice, to go back in time and prevent Thanos from ever getting to you, you could have had an easy, simple life without any interference. Would you have prevented it from ever happening?” Peter asked with pure curiosity. Her reply shocked him to his core. They could have talked in whispers already, but it felt like the right thing to do to answer his question with one. Gamora didn’t know how else to make her voice, as she knew Peter would be taken by surprise at her response.

”...no. I wouldn’t make that choice. I’d let it happen all the same.”

His eyes widened to the point where it felt like they could just fall out of their sockets. His mouth continued to open and close, but he guessed that he wasn’t actually talking. When you talked, sound would usually come out. Gamora knew what he was going to say and replied for him.

”I know, it’s not what you were expecting. Frankly, it wasn’t what I was expecting from myself either. You know, I always think at every spare minute of the day, about how I would have given everything I had for a resemblance of a happier life without _him_. But as soon as you asked me that, I was struck with an epiphany. If I had that life, I wouldn’t know you, or the others. Sure I would have most likely been happy, but a life without you just sounds, normal. And I’m not normal, I don’t want to be. I just want you.”

It took everything that Peter had not to burst out crying like a four year old at those words. He had no idea that Gamora felt that way about him. Sure, he knew that she loved him, but he wouldn’t have gone any further. She had literally just said that she would have lived her life of torture and misery willingly, because she had met him along the way.

Peter took his finger and brought it to Gamora’s modification marks on her eyes. He traced the patterns slowly as he murmured, “Huh, what did I do to deserve you? There must have been a mixup in heaven. You were definitely supposed to go to a god that would shower you with love and affection with every fibre of his being. And yet, even he wouldn’t be good enough.” He smirked a little at himself at the end of his short paragraph, not because he was embarrassed or anything, but because it was true. There must have been a mixup. There must have been.

Gamora slowly covered the hand that was on her face with her own and brought it down to their laps, where they observed their intertwined fingers for a while. Now they were both absolutely sure that no more words had to be said. They had heard enough kindness and love from the other to last them one hundred life times, and nothing anyone would ever say to them again would compare. For a few seconds, they looked into each other’s eyes before drawing their foreheads together. Both sets of eyes closed in synchronisation, caught in a moment of bliss. Gamora spoke just once more.

”You’ve done it, you know that right?”

”Done what?”

”You’ve pieced me back together. I thought that could never be done.”

”Well, it just goes to show that we can do anything.”

Gamora and Peter then shared a soft but long needed kiss that encapsulated all of their overwhelming feelings for each other. They pulled apart after what felt like an eternity. Neither of them wanted to move.

”I don’t think there was a mistake in heaven by the way.” Gamora laughed the smallest laugh at the end, filling the room with joy. Peter pulled away just far enough to get a full look of her gorgeous face. “Are you sure?” he asked, confused, “I still think you should have ended up with someone better.”

”No, you’re wrong,” Gamora replied softly, “I was definitely meant to be with you.”

Another kiss shared, and quickly gone. It seemed like they would never get enough. But luckily for them, they had a whole lifetime together to try.

 


End file.
